Rachel Speaks

Part Four – Final Chapter…for now.

Life Lessons; I am Blessed

By Rachel Young

“I have always been a fortress, cold secrets deep inside, you have secrets too, but there’s nothing left to hide…. Show yourself, step into your power, grow yourself into something new, you are the one you’ve been waiting for all of your life.”- Idina Menzel

Moving to Richmond, VA was a curse and a blessing within itself. It gave me a sense of freedom from having to deal with what I felt back home, but it also brought out my own demons that I had tried to seal out.

I was on track to get into Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU) like I had planned, but I had met someone and found out I was pregnant. I knew that if I told my mom she would plead for me to come home. I knew that if that happened, my baby would grow up in the environment I tried so hard to get away from. I felt that the only way to protect my child (and myself) was to get married. By 2012 I was married, pregnant, and had put college on hold.

My sweet, adorable, and charming son (now 7 years old), was born in November 2012. Fortunately, my mom was right by my side since his father was on deployment. The reason she was able to be by my side is because she had begged “leadership” to let this happen. Everything my mom wanted to do had to be approved through some horrible men who have no relationship to her, or if they did, they felt like they had the place to tell her what to do.

My mom was my backbone after having Carson. She taught me what it meant to be a mother. But, at the same time, I knew I couldn’t stay home for long because of Calvary. I’ve always had a premonition of what that place truly was. My ex-husband had military orders for Washington State and I willingly moved into the unknown so Carson would never have to be a “CT baby”.

I tried to feel okay about moving, but I never truly accepted it. I cried so many nights to go home (moving cross country to get away from a family you truly loved, but had to leave because a cult church is not something that goes away quickly). My Facebook from 5/6 years ago is truly what we call a “hot mess”. It’s never fun to leave something that you have not confronted.

In 2016, little did I know it would be time for my family to start the change. Due to some unfortunate events, I moved back in with my mom with not just Carson, but his little brother Deklen (born 2014 to my ex and I). The leadership at CT threw a hissy fit when they found out since my mom didn’t ask for permission (side note, but seriously, they’re pretty AWFUL).

Months go by. I’m trying to resolve personal issues within myself while transitioning back into the work force. It is during this time that I made a misstep, and got nailed for it. Once again, I was forced out of my mom’s house by CT leadership.

It was at that point my mom decided to make a huge decision. She finally spoke out against those men who tried to control her. After all those years, she finally stood up for not only me, but for herself.

Unfortunately, my story doesn’t quite have the happily-ever-after ending. At least…not yet.

My amazing and gifted brother came back home in 2018. However; my sister is still inside the walls of Calvary, and refuses to talk to us. I miss having her be by my side like she was when we were younger. I would love for her to know her nephews now and meet my husband Alex. I would love to invite her to visit us in our new home, in a new town, but like my mom says, “She’ll open her eyes.”

I go through a lot of love and hate with my sister. I hate how she treated me at times, but I love the fact that she felt like she was trying to do something right. It’s a strange concept. I will always love my sister, but it hurts me to see that she is truly being manipulated.

When I started writing these posts I never actually thought of them as a case and point to reach out to someone within the “CT walls”. I hope my story isn’t seen as one of sadness. My  prayer it that it’s one of hope. Hope that someday, somehow, all of our parents/ aunts/ uncles/ sisters/ brothers/ cousins will come out, too.

I know it’s hard, and the path isn’t always perfect, but love will always find its way, even when it’s blinded by fear and doubt.

We are the people who are against Calvary Temple, and like my mama always says, “They’ll open their eyes.”

***and to my personal family who still go Calvary Temple,

Merry Christmas George, Sarah, Josh, Connie, Scott, Mark, Trevor, Laurel, and Wendy.

My mom and her wonderful group of many people at Cornerstone Chapel pray for you daily and will never stop.

I won’t either.

#exposecalvarytemple #RachelSpeaks #RagDoll #ForSuchATimeAsThis #Ezekiel34