In this installment of Rachel Speaks, Rachel delves deeper into her life as a school-aged child revealing further details as to how she, her mom, and her siblings wound up in the Calvary Temple Cult located in Sterling, VA.
Rachel is open and truthful, exploring her past with at times, brutal honesty. She welcomes us into her past, which at times can be difficult to read and even more painful to imagine.
As you read on, remember that speaking the truth is always the best remedy for heartbreak. As always, the Truth shall set you free.
by Rachel Young
come back to or visit again.
consider (a situation or problem) again or from a different perspective.
I love to go back sometimes and read through my previous writings. It’s a huge thing to me because I’m a perfectionist and love to make sure what I write comes across as genuine and truthful.
My favorite parts of my previous writings are where I talk about where everything started. I’ll give you all now a little bit of a closer look.
2004 into 2005 was not so great a year for me, but I felt like things were going to get easier. How wrong was I for thinking that was a possibility?
My mom had me at a private Christian school in Fairfax and I would come home crying and begging to go to the local public school instead. She always said no. When 8th-Grade graduation came along I had never been more excited. A fresh start and I would finally be back in public school again.
I hated the school I had once loved. I was a scared and horrified kid who had the bible thrown in my face every second of every day when I just needed someone to tell me “even if you don’t see your dad again, his love for you still exists.” Instead, I had people say to me “your dad is at the throne of God with his mouth wide open in awe and he doesn’t have any knowledge of what happens on earth anymore.”
I get it. You’re supposed to leave your troubles at the door when you enter the afterlife. Is that appropriate to tell a child though? Definitely not.
It’s even worse when you have family members who can be heard behind closed doors talking about how my dad is most likely in hell. He was sick and his mind wasn’t in the right place; that’s not a reason to condemn a person.
When Sarah called my mom about coming to Calvary I found out later that wasn’t the first time she begged. Apparently, it had been happening for years, especially after my dad passed. I think when my mom realized that my granny was no longer going to be able to help the way she did before she had her stroke, she panicked.
George and Sarah seem so sweet and kind on the outside. God-loving and fearing. Devoted. High School sweethearts. Hypocrites. They love to preach what they cannot even practice themselves.
Right after my dad died my mom enrolled me in a rollerblading camp and it was arranged that George would pick me up after the camp was over for the day. I remember he took me to Burger King one day after camp was over (just like my dad would), and it gave me a weird feeling. It felt like he was trying to show he could be just like my dad or even try to replace him as a father figure in my life.
I understand family takes care of family after trauma, but my family doesn’t operate like that. There’s always a hidden agenda. Theirs was to try to get Kitty to go to Calvary by showing her they could help her more if she lived closer to them and go to their church.
I remember the fear I had when we started getting more involved at Calvary. The wish that I could be 5,6,7 years old again and just call my dad and tell him to come pick me up if things got to be too much to handle. I still feel like that somedays, I wish he was a phone call or text away so he could bail me out. I wish he could be that smiling face in his white 1993 civic that would be waiting outside and take me away from whatever was bothering me; unfortunately, that is not my reality.
When it comes back full circle, my entire life those few months I actually got consumed by Calvary was wishing I had my dad back. I had become consumed with just wishing he could come back some way, somehow to save me. My dad didn’t though, but his spirit and everything he had sowed into me did. He and my granny taught me everything I know and raised me to be a strong woman who questions everything that goes on around me. I will continue to be this woman until I take my last breath.
To anyone still within Calvary, please remember you are not alone. You do not have to go down the path others have gone down just because you fear losing everything. There are so many people who love you and will welcome you with the biggest arms. Please don’t feel like you have to be somewhere no one really cares and will throw you under the bus the second they get the chance.
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